FEELIN' LIKE A MULLION

I've been remiss at creating entries here and I apologize. This house rehab is even more grueling, perhaps, than the OTHER kind of rehab...maybe, well, not really. I don't know if I have ever been so consistently weary day after day.  I hit the rumpled bed, wake up after six hours of sleep...and it happens all over again. Six days a week. I'm thinking of offering Handyman double pay if he DOESN'T work on Saturdays.  

I don't mean that. Not only is he doing an incredible job, he continues to be my 'shield' and pitbull from shady contractors and salespeople; he calls me his "Irish brother" and he's teaching me Polish words and I help with some daunting English words he hasn't quite nailed...although I find his accent to be endearing and he certainly has no trouble communicating. He speaks Polish, English, Spanish, German, Greek and two other languages. In direct contrast, it's taken me four days to properly pronounce the Polish word for "fast." (The irony of that is not lost on me...)

Since this IS my first rodeo in terms of renovating a home, as it were, I guess it's more stressful, demanding and tiring than usual. And, perhaps, all the more so, factoring in the added element that I'm reworking the house that my mom lived in for 25 years...well, that can be a kick in the stomach in that, at every turn, I'm confronted with memories of her and the happy years she spent in this house...and me, as a frequent visitor during that time when I trekked from L.A. to Chicago for her birthday and holidays. 

The house, as you can see from pics posted here, is down to the bones. This is bunker living at its most basic. A foxhole is looking like upscale digs to me right now. I've got one bed, one chair, a kitchen table with three chairs and two bedroom dressers for some of my clothes; the rest of my stuff is in the basement. I'm still living in limbo and it's only going to get worse. 

In about three weeks, I'll have to temporarily move out when the hardwood floors will be sanded and treated, plus during the bathroom gutting when there will be no shower or commode.  I'll shower at the gym or depend, um, on the kindness of strangers. But how could that be? I haven't much socialized since this started, nor have I had a date or, well, you know...

My social life has largely tanked since I haven't been out and about to meet, greet or glad hand (...) and I don't expect an uptick for six to eight weeks, when the bulk of the renovations are done. I'm grateful that I have the marvelous MS here in Chicago, the fabu CB long distance, my LA friends via phone and email, my sponsor, my 12-stepping friends and friends here from the old days to bolster me right now. I haven't had the time or energy to cultivate new friendships or relationships, as much as I would like to. It's just the way it is; I can't complain. It's part of the price of admission for a new house and a new life. 

"This, too, shall pass" is my mantra (one of 'em) these days. 

It IS exhausting driving across town pricing windows, tile and doors and getting building supplies here and there, being surrounded by buzz saws (so it sounds) as central a/c is installed for ten straight days, but I know I'd get zero empathy from most anyone working a 'real job' all day (or all night). That said, I'm more tired at the end of the day than I've ever been in my entire life; could it be that being, um, in the ballpark of 40 (that one went over the fence into Peoria, if truth be told and I won't) has impacted my energy level? Egad. I can't go there....

I'm not complaining -- just observing, mind you -- when I say that I am focused entirely on the house right now...my days are spent running errands for Handyman to get building supplies, shopping for doors and tiles and grout and whatnot, getting bids for this and that.  By the time Handyman and ViceGrip, his new assistant (neuBluto is gone, more about that later) leave at 8PM, I barely have time to grab some food someplace down the street (I have no microwave, sink or oven any longer) before CB and I have our long-distance nightly wrap-up of what happened today and what's on the agenda for tomorrow and later in the week, or the scope of the entire project.

The definition for me of friendship in its purest, most loving and generous form, is CB and her taking on this project, particularly long distance (until she arrives in Chicago the first week of May) with her in L.A. and me (and the house!) in Chicago. The time, the hours, the energy, the talent and heart she pours into it on a daily, no, hourly, basis can't be properly expressed. My best friend for 25 years, she and I have seen each other through so much and she has taught me so much about life and friendship. She has been there for me at my worst and has championed me at my best. She loved me when I didn't love myself, and we have a bond that I cherish. I am her greatest champion and she is my greatest inspiration.

When I left L.A. she was the one person I missed the most; yet our friendship is so strong, that the distance has not displaced our friendship.  I do know she has given of herself 200% as the designer in my home renovation, while also in the midst of an enormously high-profile and demanding gig (a big-budget, prestigious production) and has turned down work -- including a TV series -- to create this new home for me.  She is one of the most talented, in-demand designers around and I'm lucky to have her, as my designer, and, above all, as my friend. During the scope of this house rehab, I have met the challenge more often than not (I hope) but I am painfully aware that I have faltered more than a few times -- but she's been there, from start to finish. She is a designer extraordinaire and friend second to none.

I mean to blog every other day, but it's just not in me right now -- even though I am fervently committed to doing so. And then when I don't blog each day or so, the topics I want to cover stack up like delayed planes at Chicago during an ice storm, and I put it off even more because it seems so daunting. I've gone beyond writer's block. I am awash in writer's remorse.

Yesterday, I called my AA sponsor, the inimitable MO. (And he has my m.o., that's for sure). We speak (most) every day and try to see each other for in-person pow-wows about every two weeks. He asked how the house rehab was going, and I blathered on about trying to find an in-stock awning window for the master bath. I stopped and said, OMG, I used to talk about going window shopping. Now, I'm actually going WINDOW shopping! 

I told him I was gleeful when I found an in-stock Pella all-wood, aluminum backed bathroom window for only $139!  Pella, they say, is the best, but it's so pricey. I've become, ouch, One Happy Pella.  And I can't stop singing, "I'm Just a Pella, a Pella With an Umbrella..." -- that vintage Irving Berlin song from the Garland/Astaire MGM musical, "Easter Parade." Clearly, this sleep deprivation has taken its toll.  (Not to mention I haven't had time or energy to go to the gym in two weeks...and I must buff up again for my spring debut in Chicago...)

MO laughed when I passionately told him about snaring the Pella (and canceling the special order at Home Depot for the same window at the cost of $479) and he said, "It's funny what happens when you renovate a house for the first time. You get so involved and detailed about things you knew NOTHING about or had NO interest in six months ago."

So true! 

I had never HEARD the word "mullion" before... and now, I know (thanks to CB), that I don't want too many mullions on my windows in the house. And yet, I've got 'em. 

Several days ago, some guy saw my dating profile online and sent me his number. I called and it turns out, his full-time career is rehabbing houses! We met for coffee and I spent over an hour drilling him (not in the good way, alas) about central a/c, local electricians, the pros and cons of cork floors vs. porcelain tiles for my kitchen. Apparently, he didn't find my line of conversation particularly hot or inviting and I never heard from him again...except when he called to cancel a getting together a few days later -- to come by and see the house on Handyman's day off. I had fleeting fantasies of hot sex on the unfinished floors surrounded by power tools. I guess he was more concerned about splinters or something. That, as they say, was that. 

My dating drought continues unabated. 

Last night, I wearily staggered down to the local coffee shop at the corner for what was a passing resemblance to dinner. It was about 9PM. The lights in the restaurant resembled an X-ray and it wasn't flattering to me, the big-haired, fading "Flo"- type waitress or the alarmingly obese male patron across from me, shoveling down one dinner roll after the next, like he was popping breath mints. I called MS on my cell phone and said, my gosh, it's so empty and bleak and morose in here, I felt like I belonged in Edward Hopper's "Nighthalks." 

The analogy was particularly relevant for us, because MS had invited me to a member's only morning at The Art Institute a few days earlier.  We spent a delightful morning (before the mad crush) sauntering through Hopper's stunning artistic career. I deadpanned to MS, "I didn't realize Hopper had done so many paintings. I thought he had only done two. 'Nighthawks' and the sequel, the second 'Nighthalks' with Elvis, Marilyn, James Dean and Humphrey Bogart."

We soaked in the exhibit (it was pouring outside).  Taking in each painting, I have never seen so many lonely, depressed, displaced and doomed people in one place -- except for AA meetings. 

It was absolutely fascinating and Hopper remains (next to CB) my favorite American artist. MS and I vowed to return and see the exhibit again; it requires more than one visit to properly absorb and appreciate the wealth and breath of his talent. 

Postscript: NeuBluto is out of the house and out of my life, but he had a surprisingly positive effect on my relationship with Handyman. NeuBluto outed me to Handyman, and it's all good.  Not only is Handyman gay-friendly, he wants to introduce me to his gay Polish cousin. I couldn't make this stuff up. And, luckily, I don't have to...

More about THAT later...!