TUMULT

My sudden, unexpected mid-life move from L.A. to Chicago -- due to the November '07 passing of my mom -- compels me to memorialize it as it happens.  Four months ago, I would have vehemently dispelled any notion that I would give up my life as a showbiz writer in Hollywood to move back to my hometown of Chicago...in the dead of January, in the worst winter the Windy City has known since I blew this town (no, no, no) in '79.  

The life-changing experience of losing a parent (perhaps even more acute since I'm an only child and she was the only parent I had since the age of five) is like nothing else I have gone through and words cannot convey all that comes with it.  I'm blessed in that I had a wonderful relationship with my mom in her last years, augmented by the great comfort I can extract from the sadness because I was there at her side from the onset of her illness to holding her hand as she took her last breath after deciding she wanted to spend her last days at home via home hospice care.  

My life is completely different as I knew it in the span of twelve weeks or so.  I never would have predicted that mom would take ill and pass away in six weeks, that I'd walk away from 27 years in Los Angeles and move back to Chicago, where I was born and raised (through college), and take on a new life...and a new role as a first-time homeowner...of a cozy, inviting but slightly neglected, one-hundred year old house in the heart of the city...surrounded by wonderful neighbors who loved my mom and my stepdad, now having "adopted" me as one of their own.  

I am also blessed with a cluster of friends in Los Angeles (and elsewhere) who have spanned years and, more often than not, decades.  My best friend (and most creative and kindest person on the planet), CB, flew out from L.A. the week after my mom died to get me through it, prop me up, keep me going and keep me afloat, focused and not allowing me to crumble at the worst of it, and finding the joy of best-friendship that only gets better and stronger after 25 years.  She's helping me with my life, the house and gives me that 'upside-the-head' kind of smack down advice I usually need on a daily, if not hourly, basis.  My dear friend, Ed (a fellow blogger), flew out from LA during that rough time, and continues to inspire, prod and love me from afar, as I do him. And then there is the cast of characters, including GW, sponsor Brian, Tom B., Jerry, John F. and a dozen other good souls whom I love dearly and who remain close to my heart if not in geographical distance.  

I feel loved, protected, saved, scared, excited, transformed, overwhelmed, in awe, and in gratitude for this new life, a new change, a new slate and a new start.  I left Los Angeles sad and somewhat broken...single all last year, I was adrift, and without purpose and lonely, though surrounded by friends and pals in the 12-step fellowship.  When I finally got here to the house after my flight was delayed eight hours because of the snow and ice, I unlocked the front door to an empty house, suddenly now mine, with memories of my mom flooding me.  I sat down in her favorite chair and started to cry. 

I was alone, without a parent, and yet I felt her presence everywhere.  I had a feeling at that moment, bolstered every day since, that her death has brought me a new life.  And a new appreciation for how fragile life can be...and how I want to make the most of it.